🌳 how to waste your life
recently, i wrote about a framework for living: don't waste your life.
i actually think it's really hard (practically impossible?) to completely waste your life. but in a great conversation with my friend Edison, we came up with some failure modes.
of course, this list is just a tool for thought and doesn't apply to everyone. at any given moment, you're probably going to be in one of these failure modes, and that's fine. but we can try to avoid these traps wherever possible.
that said, here is how you could waste your life:
1. care about people that don't care about you
this one encompasses a lot. it includes putting too much effort into a friendship/relationship with someone that doesn't try to reciprocate your effort, thoughtfulness, or feelings.
it looks like trying to force your views onto someone who doesn't want to engage in a thoughtful conversation. or it can be forcing yourself to maintain a persona on social media, avoiding posting something because you're afraid of what people will think.
seeking material possessions or achievements purely for the sake of awards (or other status symbols) is also a waste. however, seeking achievements for the sake of personal fulfillment isn't.
pursuing a high-status career or buying a nice watch because you genuinely enjoy those things is reasonable. seeking achievement to feel the satisfaction of surmounting challenge also makes sense. don't do these things for validation from people who don't really care.
2. don't care about anyone else
an important part of being human is knowing how to love and care for others. a life without loving others is a life wasted.
love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.
– Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
3. have nobody care about you (including yourself)
similarly, you haven't fully experienced what it means to be human if you haven't had somebody love you. ideally, that should be someone else.
but at the very least, you should love yourself—even if nobody else does.
4. don't attempt to connect with people more
the quality of our relationships strongly determines the quality of our life. it'd be a shame if we didn't keep trying to improve them.
try to connect with people more. really try.
5. act without purpose
being aimless or doing things without knowing why is a waste.
little things that we like to call wastes of time, such as watching a show or reading a novel, aren't necessarily wasteful. you can do these with the intention of training your imagination, spending time with family/friends, or even just easing your mind.
this also extends to bigger things, like your career. don't pursue a career path without a good reason for doing so. as i wrote in personal growth and sgd,
you don't always need an end goal; you just need a direction. at any given moment, you need to be clear about what you're doing: weighing different options, gathering data, figuring out what you want.
act with purpose, live intentionally.
6. ignore too much of what the world has to offer
a human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. specialization is for insects.
– Robert Heinlein
this world has so much to offer. even though you couldn't possibly do everything, it'd be a waste to not experiment.
to me, an olympian singularly focused on a gold medal has wasted her life—even if she ends up winning the gold. there's value in being laser-focused on something for a period of time. but focusing too much on achieving things—even for the right reasons—while ignoring other things like relaxation, watching tv, reading a good book with a cup of coffee, or hanging out with friends? that's also a waste of life.
as my good friend Riley told me in a conversation, "we weren't given a main quest at birth." life isn't an optimization problem. but i can't help but feel that something's missing if you didn't explore the possibilities.
7. don't attempt to improve at anything
i also think a key part of the human experience is learning to do something well.
imagine someone who tries a bunch of hobbies (skiing, guitar, climbing, pottery, singing, etc.) and stops everything after the beginning stages. that person is missing out on the experience of developing true competence.
you can even try to improve at skills that are not hobbies, like developing quality relationships. in order to avoid wasting your life, you don't need to become a leading expert at something. you just have to learn to do something well.
you should constantly be trying to improve yourself by some metric. and to me, this is closely related to living your life with intention.
8. don't face difficulty
but not only creativeness and enjoyment are meaningful. if there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death.
– Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
a life spent avoiding challenges is a life wasted.
personal development is a huge part of the human experience. there's a certain kind of growth that only comes from overcoming difficulty.
Casey Neistat recently came out with an excellent video essay titled "DO HARD THINGS". as he describes in his video, there are hard things you must do, and there are hard things that you choose to do.
experience a healthy amount of both.